Cordelia Chase has some of the best burns and one-liners in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Cordelia is the typical high school cheerleader in a lot of ways. She’s popular, she’s gorgeous, she drives a nice car, wears nice clothes, and is all around pretty shallow. Then, she’ll say something hysterical or insightful or mean, but in a funny way, and you realize there are so many layers and complexities to this girl.
Cordelia has some of the most memorable dialogue on the show because of her snark and wit and charm. Here are just a few of the most quotable Cordelia quotes.
“Willow, nice dress. Good to know you’ve seen the softer side of Sears!”
Cordelia’s first line of the series, and right off the bat, we get a sense of who this character is. Yes, she’s mean. She’s being a bully, but she’s a funny bully with wit, which makes her a lot more likable than just your average, run of the mill mean girl, who’ll trip you in the hallway or tell you that your hair looks bad. Cordelia’s burns are well thought out, she’s smart, a trait that comes in handy a lot once she joins up with the Scooby gang to fight all the things that go bump in the night.
“What is your childhood trauma?”
This is Cordelia’s reaction when Buffy approaches her, stake in hand. In the first episode of the series, Buffy moves to Sunnydale and no one knows that she is the slayer or even that the town is riddled with vampires and that’s why so many people go missing or turn up dead and bloodless all the time.
Cordelia is totally in the dark about the place she calls home, so when Buffy approaches her with a vampire-killing weapon, Cordelia understandably freaks out. Of course, in true Cordelia fashion, her panic is also very funny and we get this gem of a line.
“Oh God, is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world’s ending, I’m not gonna bother.”
Giles and Buffy are in the middle of a very heated argument once Buffy learns that Giles poisoned her and took away her powers, per the orders of the Watcher’s Council, who have initiated a slayer test for Buffy that could potentially get her killed. Buffy is crushed that Giles betrayed her trust and Giles feels like a fool. Enter, Cordelia, who see the seriousness of the conversation she’s just barged in on and decides to lighten the mood, giving viewers a much needed break from all the yelling that was happening between the slayer and her watcher.
“Why doesn’t he just slit her throat or strangle her while she’s sleeping or cut her heart out? What? I’m trying to help!”
It’s not helpful, Cordelia. Angel is now Angelus, one of the most wicked vampires in history. He spent one passionate night with Buffy and that moment of true happiness changed Angel back into his original evil form. Angel spent a lot of time in the Summers’ house when he was a good vampire, which gives bad Angel free reign of Buffy’s house and he uses that to his advantage.
Angel visits Buffy while she sleeps, leaving clues that he was there, but he doesn’t kill her. He could, but he doesn’t, and our friend Cordelia can’t seem to wrap her brain around that fact.
“I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.”
Cordelia says things she doesn’t mean a lot, but this time, what she says gets her and the rest of Sunnydale into serious trouble and she must find a way to take back those words. A new girl, Anya, shows up at Sunnydale High School, as Cordelia nurses her broken heart because she’s just discovered that Xander has been cheating on her with Willow. Anya isn’t just the new girl in town, she’s a vengeance demon and eventually coaxes this wish out of Cordelia so she can grant it. Without the slayer in town, all hell breaks loose, literally, and Cordelia learns the age-old, important lesson, be careful what you wish for.
“Hello? How stupid are you people? She’s the Slayer. I’m a Homecoming Queen!”
At this point in the series, there are two slayers. Buffy technically died at the end of season one at the hands of the Master. She drowned, but Xander gave her CPR and brought her back to life. Even though Buffy was only dead for a minute, that was just enough time to summon a new slayer.
Really long story short, in the episode, “Homecoming”, Cordelia is mistaken for Faith, the second slayer, by a group of blood-thirsty vampires and with Buffy, she must fight her way out of danger, but not without a few witty comebacks.
“I’m not saying we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight. I’m just saying, when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side, you know?”
Cordelia gets much better at dealing with all the death and destruction living in Sunnydale brings, but in this early episode in season one, she doesn’t have the best coping skills. A teacher shows up dead, in a fridge and Cordelia is struck with grief. One of Cordelia’s best traits is that she doesn’t let anything bring her down. No matter the situation, she can always find the silver lining and this is a perfect example. Sure, her biology teacher was killed by a praying mantis demon, but Cordy lost seven and a half ounces, and that’s a win for her.
“I think this is great! Now you can leave and never come back.”
In season three, not only does the gang have a slew of new demons to worry about, but they also have to start planning for their futures. Those plans are set in motion once their SAT scores come back and Buffy gets a shockingly good grade. Buffy is so used to failing, she doesn’t know what to do with this new information, so she turns to her friends, who are of course, incredibly excited for her. A 1430 on your SATs could open a lot of doors, and Buffy’s friends want her to see that, including Cordelia, she just doesn’t have the most well-though our reaction to Buffy’s news.
“I ran. I think I made it through three counties before I realized nobody was chasing me.”
The season two finale, Becoming: Part Two, is arguably the most heartbreaking episode of the entire series. Buffy and her friends are fast with their toughest fight yet, and they almost don’t make it out alive. They’ve escaped death plenty of times leading up to this episode, but this escape feels different and it brings out a lot of vulnerability for all of our favorite characters, including Cordelia.
The gang is at the hospital, where Willow is not doing very well, and in a moment of sadness and regret, Cordelia admits that she fled and her pain and guilt is written all over her face.
“Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I’m the Slayer.”
Angel makes every girl swoon, and Cordelia is not exception. In season two’s Halloween episode, aptly titles, “Halloween,” Cordelia questions Buffy about her new, very attractive, dark and mysterious friend. Buffy and Willow inform Cordelia of Angel’s un-deadness, but she doesn’t believe them because Angel is nice and sweet and most importantly, hasn’t tried to kill anyone. Cordelia assumes Buffy must feel threatened by her to make up a lie like that because Cordelia knows that she has a particular power over men and she’s not afraid to use it.
